The end is near

I still remember the first day of medical school.

We were all sitting in the lecture hall, waiting for one of the newly graduated doctors from our university to give us a talk, to inspire us for the long years ahead. And boy, were we in for a great shock.

He came in, and immediately my first thought was "a**hole." He kept telling us about how our dreams of helping people as the reason to become a doctor is bullshit. How a group of doctors brought harm to a patient because they couldnt remember the dose to reverse an opiate overdose. How you will end up bringing more harm to your patients in the future. How you must study hard for the sake of your patients.

And I went away feeling discouraged. But I thought "it couldn't be that bad." How I wish I spoke to him earlier.

And now, I am gonna be that a**hole.

I never used to struggle in med school. I studied and felt stressed but I have always felt that I could pass. Sometimes better than others. Sometimes not. But I knew what it takes to pass. Then, things started to change a little. The harder I tried, the worst it gets. And this went on for awhile. I got discouraged. I lost my motivation. I became withdrawn. I got worried, I felt stressed, all I could think of is to graduate. To get this over with.

But it is never over in medicine. Even in internships/housemanships, you are being evaluated. People do fail, people dont do so well. It could be luck, it could be something that you haven't seen in a long time, it could be you just don't know.

Then I realized. This is what medicine is all about.

Medicine is about failing. You may be a genius, but you are bound to fail some point in your studies/career. The earlier you get this in your head, the easier your fall (but the fall is never easy). The most brilliant of doctors, the ones that I would trust in an emergency, they have made mistakes. Dire mistakes that kill. Mistakes that has cost someone's life.

And that's what I think makes a good doctor. Someone who makes mistakes and able to pick themselves up and to learn from it. Someone who will probably make more mistakes in the future. You will sad, you will feel worthless, you will feel stupid, you will doubt yourself - that you should have never done medicine.

And then you get over it. It will always hold a place in your mind, in your heart. You feel depressed for a few weeks. Then you push it to the back of your mind.

And you get back to work.

A good doctor is not just a genius, a knowledgeable experienced physician. A good doctor is someone who is able to deal with immense and multiple failures. Never-ending failures. And the emotional strength to pick up the pieces. To continue to work hard. To believe in yourself.

If you cant' deal with failure, then don't be a doctor.
Don't be a doctor just to help people. Doctors spend 5 minutes a day with a patient. Most of the time, you cant remember the patient or even what's wrong with him/her.
Be a volunteer, a missionary, a philanthropist.

Most of the time, doctors end up being "jerks," bitter and cynical.

Practical Tips for East Timor, Bairo Pite Clinic

So... I just came back from electives in the end of last year. So, i compiled my packing list (hopefully i still remember since it was abt 2 months back) and things that I wished I brought over and things that i wished i didn't.

MEDICATIONS
1. Malaria Prophylaxis
- I got doxycycline coz that was what the doctor prescribed me. Suffered from the worst GERD and esophagitis ever. Burped non stop and I'm still feeling the effects of it until now. But gave me good complexion which I am happy for.
- Seems like malaria has been pretty quiet in East Timor for the time being. Nobody knows why there hasn't been a case since last year. But i wouldnt risk not taking prophylaxis

2. Mefenamic acid (or some other form of period stopper)
- pharmacist recommended me Mefenamic acid to ligten and shorten my periods and i naturally didnt hv heavy periods. So i thought it would work. I felt that my periods actually became more heavy and I ended up climbing Mount Ramelau with it. Wasn't the best climb for me. However, I didnt need to deal with changing my period cycles. If you r not plannign to travel or swim, the motels and hotels there are pretty decent so i probably wud hv been able to survive without any contraceptives.
- It your period falls just a few days shy from leaving, POP sounds good but the pharmacist said your period compensates and gets heavier. So if you are there for long, COCP sounds good. But its best to always consult your doctor/pharmacist before u make any decisions.

3. ORS
- luckily i only had diarrhoea once and i didnt need the ORS. knew of some ppl who needed it.

4. Anti-emetics/anti-nausea
- if u get really bad food poisoning but my Msian stomach probably help protect me against that. And if you are easily car sick and driving long distances, this would probably be very useful. We drove up to Mount Ramelau and 5/8 ppl in the backseat actually vomited. One thing i realized on the trip is that I had a stomach of steel. Thank God for that.

5. Cipro/metronidazole/other anti-biotics
- didn't need them but knew of some ppl who did

6. Mosquitoe repellent! or stickers
- guardian and watson's didn't hv DEET repellents. So, i used normal ones. didnt really work sometimes. But overall, i was alright. it was usually my feet that get bitten. U can always wear socks


OTHER STUFF BESIDES MEDS
1. Clothes! - mainly jeans/long pants and shirts. (alot of ppl recommend long sleeve shirts but it was honestly too warm for me and i hv good heat tolerance. i wud take the chance of getting bitten). I brought a week's worth of clothes which made my baggage really heavy but laundry is expensive. About 3 dollar per load. Had free laundry instead in the motel I stayed in. Regretted not finding accomodation before I left.

2. Socks - i hardly used mine though.

3. Shoes - if you are planning to climb the mountain. In Bairo Pite Clinic, I mainly wore slippers (hehe, yes we are allowed too)

4. Mosquitoe net??? - get it early if u want one! u can get it off ebay. I didnt get one because i couldnt find one. But my motel was pretty decent. So i used mosquitoe coils instead which i brought. I dont think you need it but do decide based on ur own risk. When i went on mobile clinic and stayed over, they had mosquitoe nets there :)

5. Sunblock! and maybe aloe vera - sun is crazy and if u r on doxy, its worse.

6. Soap, shampoo and stuff - u can buy them there if u want to though. Grocery shops everywhere.

7. Converter - i was shocked to find most of the plugs in my motel are Aussie plugs. So this is the main converter i wud buy. Some of the older places use indonesian plugs but very very rare. Even the clinic uses aussie plugs. Sigh wished i didn't buy the msia -> indon plug. Universal adaptors are the best

8. Bring an extension cord too!!! helps hehe.

9. Money!!! - i brought USD750 for 3 weeks. Barely made it. but that was cause we did at more expensive places. Its hard to convert cash there. They have money changer (MoneyGram) one near the East Timor Backpackers, Mandarin and one at Timor Plaza. They only accept Pound, Singapore Dollar, AUD, rupiah if im not mistaken. (Not even ringgit gah!) so money is something u have to think about. Luckily, they have ANZ ATM's which i never used before. Couldn't tell u abt the chargers sorry.

9. Jacket if you are going up the mountain. It is super cold! worse than Uk's winter i wud say. But if not, dont even bother. But it does rain quite a bit during Jan to June (i think, first half of the year). \

10. Nail clipper - my nails got so long omg!

11. Hair stuff. RUbber bands. the she bangs.

12. Books? - haha didnt really use mine oops.

THINGS I WISHED I DIDN'T BRING
1. Lab coat =.= Stupid me brought labcoat
2. There were more but i cant remember.

So that's all for today. I probably will update this list from time to time. Till the next post!

ENJOY YOUR TRIP TO EAST TIMOR!